


To Have and To Hold

by BettyHT



Series: Toni [6]
Category: Bonanza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 15:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16177667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BettyHT/pseuds/BettyHT
Summary: The 6th story in the Toni series. Toni faces a medical crisis and Adam has to deal with the fear of what that could mean. In the aftermath, both have to deal with the emotional toll





	To Have and To Hold

To Have and To Hold

Chapter 1

With the rays of the winter sun only beginning to light the room, Adam was nuzzling Toni. He had slipped out of bed earlier and stoked the stove to warm the room and gone to the boys' room and done the same for them. It was New Year's morning and with the party the night before, the boys had been up late and were sleeping in for the first time ever. As Adam kissed his way down to the tops of Toni's breasts that showed above the top of the new satin gown she was wearing, his hands caressed her. But as often happened lately, she squirmed in discomfort with his caresses. Adam didn't know anymore how to touch his wife intimately without her recoiling because of pain. However this time as he touched, he felt something unusual.

"Toni, can you feel that?"

"Yes and I'm sorry but they are still too tender, I don't know what to tell you to do. Especially on the right side. The left seems to be the usual tenderness from pregnancy like the last time but the right side is much more painful."

"No, sweetheart, have you felt this?"

Adam took Toni's left hand and placed it on the side of her right breast. Even through the chemise, she could feel what Adam meant. It was hard there like there was something solid. It scared her. "I don't know what that is. I never felt anything like that anywhere there before now."

"Toni, I think you need to tell Doctor Martin about this."

"We could wait to see if it gets better."

"Sweetheart, it doesn't have to be like your mother. Paul will do something I'm sure."

Adam wrapped his arms around Toni and held her as she cried. Fear and the memory of her mother's death overwhelmed her. Toni had told Adam how her mother had found some hard lumps on the side of her chest almost under her arm and had died months later with an oozing, open sore there. She had suffered greatly in the last month as the cancer had grown in her lungs until she couldn't lie down nor bend over because she couldn't breathe. Toni's mama, Rosa, had leaned back into the pillows on her bed, refused to eat, and faded away from them growing thinner and weaker until she could no longer draw more than shallow breaths. Then one morning, she did not open her eyes and the faint heartbeat suddenly stilled as they waited vainly by her bedside for a chance to say a final goodbye.

When she had broached that subject to Adam the first few times, he had asked her why the doctors did nothing to help. After her mother saw the doctor, he had called Tony and his daughters in to the exam room to tell them that he believed there were other cancers throughout Rosa's body and that the cancer must have been growing a long time. He found hard lumps when he pressed on her liver and her abdomen. He had listened to her breathing and to him it sounded as if the cancer had invaded her lungs too. He sadly informed them that there was nothing that could be done except to give them pain powders to be administered to Rosa as needed. The family had cried together and then gone home to face the inevitable. Now Toni was terrified that the same awful journey awaited her.

For the rest of the day, Adam and Toni could not bring themselves to talk about it any more. They hugged, touched, and kissed gently, but the ominous threat that hung over them made the day seem to take an interminable length of time. Their tension was transmitted unintentionally to their boys who were whiny and clingy which was much out of character for them.

Later in the day, Ben stopped by to pick up some things he had forgotten to take with him the day before. He noticed how somber they were. However, he also knew that his son and daughter-in-law were strong people and would share their concerns with him when they were ready and not before so he didn't ask any prying questions. Before he left, he told them he was going in to talk with Lily a bit and get some coffee. Even that did not elicit the raised eyebrows and smiles he expected because he had been noticing them for over a week now and not just from Adam and Toni. His whole family and Marcus too seemed to think there was something going on between him and Lily. Well there wasn't, but he was beginning to think that perhaps there ought to be.

"Good morning, Lily. And how are you on this fine first day of the new year?"

"Ben, good morning. Well my day just got a little better. Didn't start off so good."

"What happened?"

"Well you musta seen them. Toni came down this morning all pale and her eyes all red so I know she'd been crying. Adam's been by her side all the time. He's not saying much and neither is she, but I know something's wrong."

"Did anything happen to the baby?"

"No, it can't be that. She's five months along so if something happened, she wouldn't be walking around and playing with the boys. So happy last night and so sad this morning. I just have no idea what could have happened."

"Well you know how those two are. They'll tell us when they're ready."

Suddenly, Adam came into the kitchen to ask if they could watch the boys for a time. Toni wanted to speak with her father and Adam wanted to take her over there.

"Son, of course. Is there anything we can do for you, anything at all?"

With a slight frown, all Adam said left them as worried or more so than they had been before they saw him. "Say a few prayers. Just say a few prayers."

Then Adam turned and left the kitchen with the most devastated look on his face that his father had seen for many years. Ben and Lily walked out to collect the boys and make sure they didn't try to crawl out the front door as their parents left. They watched as Adam helped Toni put on her coat and then he wrapped a wool shawl around her shoulders. Toni was almost wooden in her posture and expression but leaned into Adam's shoulder as he guided her out the door. Adam leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and then wrapped his arm firmly around her shoulders. After the couple left, Ben and Lily just looked at each other for a minute. Something was obviously wrong with Toni and it wasn't the baby and it wasn't her relationship with Adam so they were mystified as to what it could be.

Ben and Lily shrugged and turned to the boys who were watching them with very serious looks as if they too knew something was wrong. Benjy started to cry and Lily picked him up and sat with him in her arms as she soothed him. AC pulled himself up to stand at her knee and watch. As Benjy quieted, Ben and Lily were able to get the boys to do some quiet play, have lunch, and then take their naps, but the usual energy exhibited by the twins wasn't there.

A short time before dinner, Adam and Toni returned. It was clear that Toni had been crying more, and Ben suspected Adam wanted to do that too. But both acted more normally and smiled and talked with the twins. Adam asked Ben if he had time the following day to come over to help Lily watch the twins while Adam took Toni to see the doctor. He and Toni had apparently decided it was time to tell them what the problem was.

"We found a lump and want Paul to look at it. We hope it is not serious, but it may be. Rosa had something similar so Toni is scared. We told Toni's father, but we don't want to tell anyone else at this point until we know more. Please don't ask any more questions now because we have no answers."

"Son, of course we'll help all that we can. Anything you need, we'll do."

"Then, a little praying would likely be in order too. I know we will be sending up some heartfelt words."

 

Chapter 2

Early the next morning, the second of January, Adam and Toni were in Doctor Martin's office. One look at them and he had thought she had lost the baby, but Adam's first words nullified that thought.

"It's not the baby. We found a lump in Toni's breast."

At that point, Adam couldn't continue. He had held in his emotions for a day to support Toni and he couldn't do it any more. When his voice broke, he paused. Paul immediately took the initiative and asked Toni to come with him into an exam room. She asked if Adam could be there too and although an unusual request, under these circumstances, Paul agreed it might be best. Paul had Toni disrobe behind a screen and put on a gown. Then he had her lay on the exam table. Adam stood at her left side and held her hand as Paul began his examination.

"Will you show me what you found?"

Putting her hand to the lower outside quadrant of her right breast, Toni found she couldn't stop the tears. Paul spoke gently to her reassuring her that he wouldn't hurt her but that they needed to find out what was wrong before he slipped his fingers under hers and applied a small amount of pressure. Toni grimaced. Paul then used his index finger to examine her whole breast by putting pressure on each part and then moving quickly to the next spot. Then he examined her left breast. Toni grimaced a little with each pressure point but not nearly as much as she had with his first examination of the lump itself.

"Just that one spot then in your breast. I am going to examine your neck, abdomen, under your arms, and your pelvic region. I will use the same method but I will be using my whole hand to put pressure on each spot I examine."

With her pregnancy, there was a limit to what he would find in the abdomen and pelvic region, however he found nothing suspicious. Paul had Toni sit up then, and he used his stethoscope to listen to her lungs. He wanted Toni to take deep breaths and listened to the lower, middle, and upper parts of each lung. When he finished, he asked Toni to dress.

"You will be more comfortable talking with me if you are dressed. This is a stressful thing, and I want you to be as relaxed as you can be under the circumstances for the well being of your baby."

That sounded ominous to both Toni and Adam, but they knew they should do as he said. Once Toni was dressed, Paul had them sit in chairs and then explained what he thought he had found and what they should do.

"I believe that it is a tumor. Now sometimes women get benign growths like this, which are not cancer. In any case, it needs to be removed so that we can determine what it is. Nurse Millicent Thatcher has recently sent me Powell & Lealand microscope which is one of the best there is. I am still getting used to using it. But what it means is that I can remove the growth and look at it under the microscope to determine if the cells are cancerous or a benign growth. Even someone learning to use this microscope can see the differences in the cells. Even if it is cancer, there had been quite a lot of success with removing this type of cancer completely. The microscope will let me check to see if the surrounding tissue is healthy so I would some idea if I got it all. I can find no evidence that there is any spread of the cancer if that is what it is. There seems to be no enlargement or growth anywhere else that I can detect. Your lungs are healthy. My advice is that you have the surgery as soon as possible. I will have my new assistant work with me."

"How much of my breast would you remove?"

"Probably most of it. Many women have lived full and complete lives after this surgery, which is called a mastectomy. It is the best solution we have right now. In fact, to be honest, it is the only solution."

"What about the baby? Is there a risk to my baby from the surgery?"

"Yes, there is a risk, but I think at this point it is a small risk. I think the surgery will be quick enough that any potential harm to the baby will be minimal. However because you will need anesthesia, which could cause problems, and there is always some risk of infection, although in this type of surgery that would be minimal as well, I cannot tell you that there is no risk."

"Adam, I can't harm my baby."

Understanding that Toni was likely going to refuse the surgery, Paul decided to be more forceful in his arguments. "Toni, if you wait and the growth is a cancer, you could not have the surgery until at least a month after the birth of the baby. Five months to wait is much too long. Your sons need their mother. Your new baby will need her mother too."

"But what kind of mother would I be if I hurt my baby to save myself?"

Hearing the same conviction in Toni's voice that Paul had heard, Adam had a request. "Paul, could you leave so that Toni and I could talk?"

Paul nodded, stood, and walked from the room pulling the door closed behind him. Adam took Toni's right hand and held it between his own. Toni sat in shock but also in a pose that showed she was ready to do battle to protect her baby from any risk.

"You have to have the surgery."

"Adam I can't. You can't make me."

"No, but I can beg you to think of our sons, of our baby who will arrive in April, and of us."

"The boys will have you, and you always told me that your father and the rest of the family would always be there to help if anything happened to you. Certainly they would be there to help if something happened to me."

"It's not the same. Children need a mother. I know that firsthand. Growing up without one was so hard. I don't want that for my children. They need you to be there for them. I need you to be there too helping me to raise our children. I need you by my side."

"Will you even be able to look at me after this surgery. I will be mutilated."

"You will still be the woman I love. I haven't just given you hugs and kisses. I gave you my heart. Before I knew you, I didn't want to love anyone again because it always ended in loss and pain. You broke those walls down like they were papier-mâché. I will love you no matter what. I have many scars. You have kissed them and asked me how I got them. You have comforted me for the hurt I suffered. You have stood by me through my trial and imprisonment. I can do no less for you. Please?"

"But I can't stop thinking about my baby."

"If it is cancer and it keeps growing, that will harm the baby too. You need to do this to save yourself and our baby. Can you let that cancer grow and attack our baby?"

Turning to Adam, Toni collapsed in his arms. He held her as she sobbed. Paul slowly opened the door and stepped back into the room.

"Have you decided or do you need more time?"

Looking up at Paul, Toni couldn't speak. There was so much that had happened and then this that it had robbed her of her speech. She took Adam's hand and nodded. He looked to Paul and found that he had a difficult time speaking as well.

"We've made a decision. Toni will have the surgery and as soon as possible."

The rest of the time they spent with Paul was setting up a schedule for the surgery the next day. It was to be done in Paul's office to minimize the risks of infection. They needed to set up care for the twins, and Adam needed to make arrangements to stay in town. They also were going to need to inform their families of what was to happen. Then it was time to go. Anyone seeing them leave Paul's office would have known they had received bad news so Paul brought their carriage around to the back so they could leave without prying eyes seeing them other than as they drove by later.

 

Chapter 3

On the way home, Toni asked Adam to stop by to see her father first. Adam nodded and turned in to the road that led to Tony's ranch. After the conversation of the day before, Tony was ready for bad news, and they didn't need to tell him it was bad because he could see it on their faces. Adam helped Toni down from the carriage, and Tony rushed to hug his daughter.

"Come inside. It's too cold to talk out here."

Once inside, Tony asked his housekeeper to bring them coffee and tea. He assumed food would not be consumed anyway. He remembered the devastation he felt when he had heard the news about his beloved Rosa. He hadn't eaten much of anything for at least a week and even after that for months, food had no flavor, no attraction for him, but he ate because he had to stay strong for his daughters especially Toni who was still living at the rancho. Now he saw that Adam and Toni were the same. They had that same pale blank look because the cancer word took all hope away. He needed to know what the doctor said.

Adam sat next to Toni, and she held his hand without even thinking about it. Looking at her father, Toni hated to have to tell him what the doctor had said because she knew this had to be his worst nightmare: to have to confront this dreaded disease again. But she needed to tell him and she knew he needed to know the truth. So she shared all that Paul had told her. Tony did not interrupt for he knew all too well how emotionally draining telling this story had to be because he had done it himself.

"Papa, I know what the doctor wants me to do. I know what Adam wants me to do. What do you think?"

"Darling, you must have this surgery."

"Why? Why does everyone say I must?"

"Because you have a chance. You can nurture and guide your children. You can live to see your children grown and married. You will get to see your grandchildren. Your mama missed a lot of that. She would have done anything to have lived to see you married and see the rest of her grandchildren born, but she did not have the opportunity. By the time she saw the doctor, she had no recourse. Her greatest sadness was that."

"Papa, it could hurt my baby."

"Yes, I understand that. But how hurt will your baby be to be born to a mother who may be dying, to have to live her life without her mother. Remember how you felt when your mother was torn from you. Imagine if that had happened twenty-five years sooner."

Tony went to his daughter and hugged her. She cried in his arms too, but she pulled away from him, and she turned to Adam. He nodded. She had made her decision. Tomorrow they would see Paul and make the arrangements.

Before they left, Adam told Tony that he was going to stay at the International and asked if Tony would like a room there too. He did, and Adam told him that he had reserved a room for him. Then they asked if Tony could let his daughters, Teresa and Maria, know that Toni was having surgery. Again he agreed to do that. Adam and Toni drove home and had to tell Ben and Lily the story too. Ben wanted to stay in the hotel as well, and once more Adam's planning was correct. He informed his father that he had reserved a room in his name as well. They asked Ben to tell Hoss and Joe because they didn't feel that they had the energy or the strength left to do it. Once Ben left, Toni and Adam asked if Lily would care for the children for a few days. Adam planned to visit when he could. Lily agreed and said that she would tell Charlie and Marcus and they could help her as needed. Adam said if she needed more help, to let Ben know, and he would get someone to come out to the house.

That night, Adam had a restless sleep when he managed to fall asleep at all. The first time he awakened, Toni was not in bed, and he found her sitting in a rocking chair in the twins' room. The second time, she was sitting in the great room under a blanket on the settee and staring at the coals of the fire. He added logs to the fire and sat beside her. She raised the side of the blanket so that he could slide in next to her. They didn't talk but held each other's hand. Finally Toni dropped her head on Adam's shoulder and fell asleep. He watched the flames until the windows began to show dawn and fell asleep for a short time too.

It was a somber morning, but they acted purposefully because there were things they needed to get done. Then they packed the carriage, kissed the boys goodbye, and headed to town. Paul was glad they had made the decision for the surgery and had already made arrangements because he had been hoping they wouldn't change their minds and wanted to be able to proceed quickly when they arrived. Ben and Tony arrived soon after. Ben said he had told Hoss to stay with Minnie and that Joe had volunteered to go to the house to play with the twins.

Adam walked with Toni into the surgery and waited while she undressed and put on a gown. She walked to the surgery table and lay down. Dr. Martin said Adam could stay until they started the anesthesia and then he would have to leave. The room was very bright with all the candle lanterns set about with their reflecting screens. Everything seemed to be draped in clean white linen sheets. On one table was the microscope with everything needed to examine the tissue they removed. As they began to anesthetize Toni, Adam had to leave.

The next hour passed slowly. It seemed as if the clock was moving slower and slower. There was little talk because there was little to say that wouldn't seem trivial or inappropriate. Finally the door to the surgery opened, and Dr. Martin came out and closed the door behind him. All three men stood.

"It was a cancer, but it was a small round nodule less than one-half inch in size. It seemed larger because it was in a milk duct with calcification of the duct, and it had caused some edema that exaggerated its size. We removed the breast but all slides show that there is no cancer left. We believe we got it all."

Dropping into a chair, Adam held his head with both hands as he breathed in short gasping breaths. Ben walked to him and began rubbing his back to help him calm down.

"Adam, we'll keep her here today. If all looks good tomorrow, you can take her to the hotel to stay a few more days. If there are no problems, she can go home in three days."

"When can I see her?"

"Give us some time to clean up and be sure the bandages are snug and doing their job. You are going to see a lot of bandage, but that is because we are trying to put a lot of pressure over a fairly large incision. The incision isn't that deep but there are a lot of stitches. So the bandage is very thick and very long. Toni is still half asleep. When she is a little more aware, I am going to give her a very mild dose of pain medication so she will rest without moving about. I do not want to give her much because of the baby. She withstood childbirth well so in the next few days I would like her to try to do this without pain medication. She is highly motivated to protect her baby so that won't likely be a problem, but I wanted you to understand why we are doing it this way."

Nodding in agreement, Adam waited quietly until the door opened again, and Paul signaled him to enter. He stood by Toni's side and thanked God that she was all right and still with him and the boys. Tony was soon at his side and placed his hand on Adam's shoulder, and he thanked God that Toni had found this man to be her husband. Ben walked in as well and asked Paul if they could stay. Paul nodded toward the three chairs he had lined up against the wall. He had expected all three to stay at least until Toni woke up. They didn't have to wait long.

"Adam, Adam, Adam?"

"I'm right here, sweetheart. It's good news. You're going to be okay. Just rest now and don't move around. That's it, just relax. Doc is going to give just a little something to help you sleep. I'll be here by your side until you wake again."

Toni looked at Adam. He was a little fuzzy, but she could still see the care and the love he had. She smiled, and Doctor Martin began to give her small sips of the medication. Within minutes, she closed her eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep. Toni had a slight fever by that night, but Paul had expected that as a result of the surgery. Adam told Tony and Ben he wasn't leaving so they both headed to the hotel to get some sleep. The plan was that they would sit with Toni tomorrow so that Adam could sleep.

By the next morning, Toni was awake and able to keep food down. She was able to drink with no difficulty so Paul allowed Adam to move her to the hotel. Once she was in a bed there, Adam looked like he was about to collapse. Ben sent him to his room to sleep saying he would sit with Toni or her father would in their room. She would not be alone, and they would get him when Paul came later to check on her.

To Adam, everything had seemed so dire only two days earlier. Now he had hope again so he was able to finally relax and fall into a deep sleep. Ben had trouble waking him later but as soon as Adam started to come around, Ben mentioned that the doctor was there and Adam jumped out or bed and almost went to his room in his underdrawers. Ben grabbed his arm and thrust his clothing into his hands. Adam looked at it quizzically at first and then looking down at himself, smiled, and got dressed. When Toni saw him, she was shocked.

"My God, what happened to you? I know I don't look that bad."

Smiling sheepishly, Adam said he would bathe and shave after he heard what Paul had to say. After only a short check of the bandages and Toni's temperature, Paul smiled and said all continued to go well. One more day in town and Toni could go home to recuperate. Paul asked Tony to open the curtains. There was a gentle snowfall and everything outside looked pristine. Adam sat on the side of the bed.

"Dinner?"

"Not until you clean that jungle off your face. I want to see those dimples when you grin at me."

Adam touched her cheek gently. "It's good to have you back, love."

 

Chapter 4

The exhilaration of waking up, finding the cancer was gone, and that Paul said the baby seemed to be fine carried over into the following days. However on arriving home, Toni had limitations that chafed. She could not lift or carry anything and that included her children. She couldn't hold them either for they didn't understand that their mother was hurting. They wanted to hug and snuggle as they usually did. Adam held them as close as he could, but they complained in their way about not being able to go into their mother's arms. That made Toni more emotional and the stress of the whole ordeal led to some tearful moments. She would hold it all in until she was in private, but then the tears flowed and often.

There were weeks of recuperation. Paul removed the bandages after two weeks when he removed the stitches, but Toni insisted that she wanted a light bandage there until it was absolutely and completely healed to her full satisfaction. Paul had a fairly good idea what she wanted with that.

"Toni, sooner or later, Adam will see that scar. I'm sure that you've seen the scars on him and still find him an attractive man. He will not reject you because of one scar. Many women have scars. Their husbands love them and are with them for decades without letting that stop them from having a complete and satisfying marriage."

"But how many of those women have a scar that is in place of part of what makes them a woman?"

"Toni, if you think that Adam believes a breast makes you a woman or his wife, then you have sorely underestimated the man. If he heard you talk like that, I'm afraid he would be terribly insulted."

"Maybe he would, but that would be his integrity and his character talking. What about being a man who other women stare at and want. I never was the most attractive woman out there, and now this disfigures me."

About to leave because he had many other patients to see, Paul set his bag down on the floor and sat again in the chair he had used when he had wrapped that light but unnecessary bandage around Toni's chest. "If Adam's face was scarred and disfigured, would you still love him and want to be with him?"

"Of course I would. It's not his face that makes me love him. It's . . . " And Toni stopped speaking because she understood perfectly the point that Paul had made. She pursed her lips and sighed. "It's still very difficult to do."

"Yes, I can understand that. And if you tell Adam that you need more time to adjust to the idea, yourself before you show him, I'm sure that he will understand. I know it is difficult for many women to look at scars on their bodies and know that they will be there forever. Take some time and get used to seeing that there. Look at it often. Don't avoid it. In time, you will see it as part of who you are. It is evidence of your courage and your willingness to do what had to be done to save your child and be there for your husband and your boys. It is truly a badge of courage. Try to think of it that way. Don't turn Adam away either." Paul could tell by her reaction that she had probably already done that. "Adam is an understanding man, but rejection is not something that he will weather well. Tell him that you're not ready for him to see that scar or touch that area. Keep the lamps dark if need be, but you need each other. Avoiding contact is not the way to go." Paul was not used to giving such intimate advice to patients and actually became a bit embarrassed when he realized how much he had said, but Adam and Toni were more than patients, they were friends and almost like family members. He had felt compelled to say what he said even if he now wondered if he had said too much and worried about Toni's reaction. He couldn't tell by her reaction, but then he knew how much she was like Adam holding things in as she thought about them and considered the pluses and the minuses.

"Thank you, Paul. I'll think about what you said."

There wasn't anything more for Paul to do so he left. Toni did think about what he said and found that she wasn't comfortable yet with letting Adam near her physically, but she had understood what Paul had said. She opened up to Adam that night as he turned down the lamps and they prepared to turn in for the night. They were quiet, and Adam did his best not to look at her because he knew it made her uncomfortable.

"Adam, I know you've tried to console me by touching me, and I've recoiled from your touch. I know that hurt you. I want you to know it isn't you. When I look at myself and I can't even see that scar very clearly, it repulses me. I need time to get used to it. I need to adjust to how I look now. You have been wonderful to me, and I know you wouldn't do or say anything to make things worse. You'd probably make things better, but I simply can't do it. Give me a few more days, and then we'll start working our way back to more contact. Can you do that for me?"

"A few more days?"

"Yes, Paul talked to me today. He laid it all out pretty well, but I still need to get my thinking straight on all of this. If we could simply take it slowly, then I think I could handle it better."

"I don't want to wait a few more days." That shocked Toni, but what he did next didn't. "We could hold hands like we did when we were first together. That wouldn't threaten you, would it?" Tears glistened in Toni's eyes as she realized how she should have realized Adam would know how to handle things. When he reached for her hand, she grasped his. The warmth of his fingers felt so good and so reassuring to her. "Let's lie in bed, and perhaps we can talk a little about anything you want to talk about. We can look at the shadows the moonlight makes on the ceiling if you wish. Toni, we're going to be fine. Trust in us."

"Adam, I've been so foolish. I should have talked to you about this right away."

"Sweetheart, I understand. What you've gone through is very hard, and you're carrying our child too. Know this though: I love you, and I'll be here no matter what happens. I promised forever and always, and I meant that."

Each day, they spent more time together and slowly returned to a more physical relationship, but Toni kept the bandage across the scar. Finally there was the great unveiling when Toni let Adam see and touch her scar. Nervous, she was relieved that he still found her appealing because regardless of his assurances, it was a fear she carried until he made love to her after having seen the scar and touched it. Then all they had to do was get through the last months of her pregnancy and welcome a new life into the world and another child into the family where she or he could grow under the loving care and guidance of a mother who faced her greatest fear and overcome it. Every year, Adam and Toni celebrated the third of January as the day they got another chance to walk together into the future.


End file.
